MY SUICIDE STORY[Episode 1]

It was my last option, the only option at the moment; at least, so I thought. This is definitely my ticket to freedom; freedom from the encumbering situation I was a prisoner to. It is said that there is “always light at the end of the tunnel”, but I guess mine is something different from a tunnel because I have been in it for what seems like a lifetime, and there is not even a ray of light showing up- no salvation. My case is surely more than rainfall, since sunshine, they say, comes after the rain; I look up to the sky above me and it does not seem like the azure sky has any smiling sun suspended in it for my life. So I launched into that thought. At a point in my thought, I was afraid if I did not take the “one and only” action, I was going to remain in my misery forever.

I needed to be free! I deserved to be free from Mr Edward’s bias actions against me and my result. Human resource management was the course he handled for 200 level students in the department of public administration in my college. I had always carried the course over, since my second year in college, and it is my supposed final year now and, as I feared, it was the same story from the monster. I never imagined that a minor act of ignoring an elderly person could be this disastrous. I did not say hello as I walked past him on a faithful day, and that was when he marked me for eternal torment.

I also needed to be free from lack. Many people had enough; enough to satisfy them and even spare to waste. I only needed enough to manage, but I was not even getting that much. I have been reminded twice, by the landlord, of my rent that would be due in five days. Woes see me as candy, and they never hesitate to take a bite. Did I forget feeding? How could I? My ever grumbling stomach and my gaunt look would never forgive me if I did. A change of wardrobe would have been an issue if only I looked like someone that could afford that. Ironically, sadness was the only thing that kept me company.

I could have worked to make ends meet but tight school schedule and targeted excellent grades were of paramount importance- even though that was not applicable to the thought in my mind at the moment. I think I had totally lost my mind, soliloquizing was already a habit I could not control; in the public or when I am alone. I guess the only height of insanity I was yet to attain was stripping off my clothes, and making the refuse dump my kingdom, as is the state of the insane man across the road. At the moment, I do not mind becoming schizophrenic, but then, suicide held so much promise. So I started scouting for the best and fastest way to do it.

The cheapest idea was going by hanging. Luckily for my demons I owned a rope on which I hung my clothes, a ceiling fan and a chair. I am not so poor after all, I can fund a suicide in my room. Now I only need to conclude on the perfect moment when I would not be interrupted, not even by my roommate. It had to be on a Monday morning, I thought, everyone is only busy going out to their businesses on Monday mornings.

Even though it felt like ages, at last it was Monday morning. With everything set in place, I pretended to be going about my normal routine; waiting patiently for the compound to be evacuated. As expected, it did not take long before I was left alone in the two storey residence. Knotting the rope to the fan was not difficult, neither was the positioning of the chair hard. I went ahead to mount on the chair- that was as easy as swatting a trespassing ant with a bat. Then came the moment I had long rehearsed in my mind. I was left with fitting my neck into the provided space I constructed with the rope, but it felt like taking a walk from Egypt to South Africa- The real fight just surfaced....